The evening before my ordination to the priesthood was full of anticipation and anxiety, the feeling one attributes to butterflies in your stomach before a first kiss. Yet, even more, similar to the eve of a wedding. Those same feelings of cold feet began to itch at my toes, and I felt like I wanted to run like the wind or maybe Julia Roberts. The somberness of the vocation I was about to undertake weighed heavily on my mind and soul. This was probably the greatest source of my doubt because I am not a somber person. I am rough around the edges, marred by trauma, and with a tongue that moves faster than my mind.
Nathan, thank you for sharing your story. I'm a gay, former Catholic priest. Their are many similarities and differences between our stories, but choosing love is what binds them together. This is a truth that more churchgoers need to hear: "What I failed to see is that it didn’t matter if you invalidated someone with kindness or cruelty, it was the action of not seeing them, hearing them, and accepting them that caused the real pain, not just the way in which the words were said." I've never seen that stated so clearly, so thank you.
Very powerful read. I think if we all sit in our memories for a while, we'll find that we have all been complicit in *something* with our actions. With our inactions. With our silence. Seeking forgiveness from others is important, forgiving ourselves is important as well. Growth like this is painful, and the hardest work many will ever do. But it's the also some of the most important work one can do. Thank you for your willingness to lay out your "sins" for all to see, and for taking a stand.
You are so relatable, and yet my life has been so very different from yours. Still, your inner realizations are the journey we all embark upon from the womb. It is not for the faint of heart, which is why many people cheerfully continue on with their daily numb lives. While I despise the trolling and bullying people do, I have to think those folks are simply fighting their own inner demons by lashing out at others. You write about the person you became after leaving the church. A painful and ugly time. I believe we go through our own desolation and desecration to shed the ugly lies we have lived. Anyone who can stick with us through that process has either done it themselves or they are a god. It is alone time that teaches us solitude is necessary. It is vital. It teaches strength, self love and self compassion. It also teaches self peace.
Thank you for sharing, I needed your story today. I'm saving it, because it will continue to be a worthy read for a long time to come.
If your were a wine, you would be an exquisite vintage, improving each day, as the church you left behind sours into vinegar. God worked in you and through you to make you the person you are and the person you are becoming. Breathe easy and live!
It is because of this story that I subscribed to your blog. I wanted to join the voices that say, "You matter." I know what it is like to have to leave everything and everyone you love for your own safety. It is a dark and terrifying moment. However, done well, it can lead to an amazing life - though hard won - in the long run. I'm 20 years out from my Exodus, and can say that this type of experience really shows us what is real and permanent in our lives very quickly. And, not everyone has the benefit of that type of catharsis. The years after, as you described are sooooo dark. It's weird reconstructing a life after having to throw everything away. It's impossible to describe in a few paragraphs.
I'm so glad you've turned the corner, identifying the things that are real and true, and that you are sharing them here. This is AWESOME!! Keep up the good work. And thank you SO much for sharing your thoughts and process. Great stuff.
Nathan, thank you for sharing your story. I'm a gay, former Catholic priest. Their are many similarities and differences between our stories, but choosing love is what binds them together. This is a truth that more churchgoers need to hear: "What I failed to see is that it didn’t matter if you invalidated someone with kindness or cruelty, it was the action of not seeing them, hearing them, and accepting them that caused the real pain, not just the way in which the words were said." I've never seen that stated so clearly, so thank you.
Very powerful read. I think if we all sit in our memories for a while, we'll find that we have all been complicit in *something* with our actions. With our inactions. With our silence. Seeking forgiveness from others is important, forgiving ourselves is important as well. Growth like this is painful, and the hardest work many will ever do. But it's the also some of the most important work one can do. Thank you for your willingness to lay out your "sins" for all to see, and for taking a stand.
You are so relatable, and yet my life has been so very different from yours. Still, your inner realizations are the journey we all embark upon from the womb. It is not for the faint of heart, which is why many people cheerfully continue on with their daily numb lives. While I despise the trolling and bullying people do, I have to think those folks are simply fighting their own inner demons by lashing out at others. You write about the person you became after leaving the church. A painful and ugly time. I believe we go through our own desolation and desecration to shed the ugly lies we have lived. Anyone who can stick with us through that process has either done it themselves or they are a god. It is alone time that teaches us solitude is necessary. It is vital. It teaches strength, self love and self compassion. It also teaches self peace.
Thank you for sharing, I needed your story today. I'm saving it, because it will continue to be a worthy read for a long time to come.
If your were a wine, you would be an exquisite vintage, improving each day, as the church you left behind sours into vinegar. God worked in you and through you to make you the person you are and the person you are becoming. Breathe easy and live!
The definition of the word AMENDS, has been met in this telling. Strong work.
" it was the action of not seeing them, hearing them, and accepting them that caused the real pain "
It is because of this story that I subscribed to your blog. I wanted to join the voices that say, "You matter." I know what it is like to have to leave everything and everyone you love for your own safety. It is a dark and terrifying moment. However, done well, it can lead to an amazing life - though hard won - in the long run. I'm 20 years out from my Exodus, and can say that this type of experience really shows us what is real and permanent in our lives very quickly. And, not everyone has the benefit of that type of catharsis. The years after, as you described are sooooo dark. It's weird reconstructing a life after having to throw everything away. It's impossible to describe in a few paragraphs.
I'm so glad you've turned the corner, identifying the things that are real and true, and that you are sharing them here. This is AWESOME!! Keep up the good work. And thank you SO much for sharing your thoughts and process. Great stuff.