Unholy Sh+t: Does your church follow Jesus or Paul when it comes to women in ministry?

As a kid, we attended a church that didn’t allow women to preach. They relied on the writings of Paul to support this theology. Men led everything from the Sunday sermon to Sunday school. Of course, women were allowed to do some stuff, mainly things men didn’t want to do. This helped give the appearance of being hip without actually doing anything revolutionary at all. We had women secretaries, pastoral assistants, and, of course, children’s ministry so they could learn the ropes of how absolutely horrible large groups of children are before launching out to have a quiver full of their own.

One week, a group of us all went to hear Joyce Myers speak (judge me, it wasn’t a free-will decision, y’all). Anyway, it was what it was, and we heard what we heard. The whole event felt like a comedy show mixed with just a tinge of guilt for laughing. However, here we were all together, the same group of kids who had already been told our whole lives that women didn’t belong behind the pulpit. There was Joyce, standing behind something that looked a whole lot like a pulpit and filling up an entire stadium full of rowdy Christian women feeling just a little naughty for listening to a woman so gospel words out loud.

After the whole ordeal was over, I asked an innocent question, “If women aren’t allowed to preach, how come she is?”

The answer?

“Because it wasn’t in a church.”

Funny how those loopholes work in every way but the right way, like being kind, not abandoning your queer kids, making Christmas decorations out of ammo, or attempting to overthrow a legitimate election because your Orange Calf didn’t like the results. But, like I always say, “Who needs facts when you can have opinions.” Anyway, Jesus didn’t have a problem with women in ministry, and I’m guessing that’s why Christians hate it so much because most of them don’t actually follow Jesus, but that divorced guy who never went to therapy and so he takes it out the women of the world instead. No, not that guy; I mean Paul.

Unholy Sh+t: An Irreverent Bible Study

Third Sunday of Lent

Today’s reading: John 4:5-42

As a progressive Christian, folks often say to me, “You keep trying to make Jesus woke.” I’m sorry to tell ya, honey, but I’m not the one doing that. Jesus was a weird little radical who just didn’t quite fit in whenever he was. He took every opportunity to push boundaries and step over the lines in the sand. Though he was a frequent enjoyer of the cat nap, Jesus was woke before that was even a thing that conservatives knew to even be mad about. Jesus gave frequent sermons about how he wanted people to be awake, alert, and paying attention to the injustices around them. It’s a pretty current theme throughout the whole of scripture.

Then along came Pauly.

A perfect example of this is the time that Jesus saw a woman at the well and got real thirty, which is notable because he was usually hangry, always cursing fig trees and sh+t. And don’t get me wrong, I understand. Nothing will get you more bent than when you want a fig, and then there aren’t any figs, but he didn’t have to go all apocalyptic on the poor tree. Anyway, the point is Jesus wanted something to drink. Fortunately, a lady was standing by the well, and he said, “Can I have something to drink?” And she gives him something to drink. Now, by today's standards, that might sound innocent, but back in the day, this was a f+cking scandal. This would be like Jesus DMing someone asking for sandal pics from his verified Insta.

Had he left it just at demanding water from a woman, he might have gotten away with it, but, no, Jesus and the woman have a long conversation, mostly about race relations in the Middle East and who is allowed to worship God in the temple. Thankfully, we have moved past all of those problems and *looks of camera* what, oh, never mind, we are still dealing with all of these same problems, and actually, it's gotten much worse. Well, at least the Christians learned from this, and they aren’t active participants in continuing to sow discord in the Middle East *looks off camera again* I see, okay, so Christians are actually making it worse, never mind. The point is, some two thousand years ago, Jesus was breaking multiple rules all at once; he was not just talking to a lady but a Samaritan one. When the apostles arrive, they are shocked to see Jesus talking with a woman. What’s particularly fascinating about this verse is that they didn’t ask Jesus why he was talking to her. But it does say they were thinking about him talking with a woman, and it boils down to their inward thoughts being, “Jesus isn’t thirsty; he is THIRSTY.” Because why else would he be hanging out with a woman if not to get her digits?

Jesus was not abiding by the Billy Graham Rule.

The woman runs into her village and tells everyone in town, “You’ve got to hear this guy! He knew everything I’ve ever done, and I’m pretty sure he is the Messiah.” So, the townsfolk leave the village to hang out with Jesus because the woman told them to. Notice that when the woman returns, Jesus doesn’t yell at her for preaching the gospel to the villagers. It appears that Jesus and Paul have very different opinions about where women belong in the Church. Paul thinks they should be silent, and Jesus is over here asking them questions, soliciting their opinions, sending them to preach the gospel, and always has a woman by his side every step that he takes from his mother launching him into ministry to Mary Magdalene being with him until the very end while all the other apostles are hiding out for fear of what might happen to them for following Jesus.

As a little side quest, the woman has a name. I know that might be shocking, so I hope you are sitting down, but it turns out that almost all women do! You don’t have to call them things like “The Porn Star,” “Wife of Quarterback,” or “Woman at the Well” You can address them by their name, and sometimes they will respond; you should try it. In the Eastern Orthodox Church, the tradition goes that she was given the baptismal name Photini, which means the enlightened one.

The big gotcha verse used to silence women is when Paul tells Timothy, “I don’t permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man” (1 Timothy 2:12). But why does Paul say this? Because *drum roll, please* he’s sharing an opinion. Listen, Paul had no idea that what essentially amounts to a glorified tweet would become the Bible. Paul constantly says, “This is just my opinion, man.” The reason he states it is because this opinion isn’t the norm; it’s in contrast to the other apostles. You will find this frequently in Paul's writings, where he quantifies statements because he knows that his opinions sometimes contradict what other disciples are saying. Unlike the original twelve, Paul never spent time with Jesus while he was alive. Yes, he claims that he met him on the road, but Jesus blinds him, so it's not like they were close, you get what I’m saying?

Peter doesn’t seem to take this same approach. While visiting a town, he raises a woman disciple named Dorcas from the dead (Acts 9:36-43). The early church did have women as preachers, prophets, and deacons. And you know who has to get in line with that? Paul. In Paul’s letter to the Romans, he expressly talks about Phoebe, a deacon of the Church. He goes so far as to say, “I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a deacon of the church in Cenchreae. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of his people and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been the benefactor of many people, including me” (Romans 16:1-2). It seems that Paul, like most preachers, got his act together as soon as the money started flowing. It should also be noted that Phoebe isn’t the only indecently wealthy woman who helped fund the early church; Mary Magdalene did as well (Luke 8:1–3).

Paul is the reason that many churches today only allow for male clergy, but what I find frustrating is that Paul himself rebukes the idea of listening to him over Jesus. During his own time, people began to use Paul’s words as gospel and debated whether they should listen to the words of Paul, the other disciples, or even Jesus himself. Paul addressed this in his first letter to the Corinthians not once but twice. First, saying, “Some of y’all say you follow me, others say you follow Apollos, and others say Peter. But was Paul crucified for you? Are you baptized in the name of Paul? F+ck no!” (1 Corinthians 1:10-17) He doubles down on this later by saying, “No one can lay a foundation other than Jesus Christ.” It seems that Paul didn’t put much stock in the “scriptures” he was writing; he didn’t intend them to be placed in the same category as the gospels. He is writing to specific church communities under his care or individual priests, not making ex-cathedra statements that are universally binding. That is precisely why he has to yield to Peter on the issue of Phoebe because she was a Deacon under Peter’s diocese, and so Paul couldn’t do anything about that; he didn’t have the jurisdictional authority to prohibit another bishop from ordination, most especially not Peter, one of the original twelve.

The foundation we see laid out by Jesus is one of acceptance regardless of race, creed, or gender. A loving man who accepts all people for who they are. Yes, Paul had some opinions, but those were simply that, an opinion. Something that Paul seems keenly aware of over and over again.

Jesus wasn’t just building a church on the foundation of Peter and Paul but also of Mary, Photini, Martha, Dorcas, and Phoebe. If you want to know why the Church has become so violent and nationalistic, it’s because it’s leaned into the masculine teachings of Paul instead of being balanced, as Jesus was, by always having the divine feminine with him in everything he did.

Do I follow Paul? Or Peter? Or Apollo’s? No, I’m going to follow Jesus, and he’s over there with the woman at the well, preparing her for ministry.