My visit to Ren Faire reminded me of the biggest way the church taught me to gaslight myself (and others) whenever I started to have doubts When I converted to Orthodoxy, I did so for the same reason that anyone does almost anything; I believed it was right. I had become certain in my conviction that the Orthodox Church had the truth that was missing from my Evangelical upbringing. In many ways, I’ve deconstructed my faith twice: first, out of Protestantism and into Orthodoxy and then from Orthodoxy into whatever the fuck I am now. In so many ways, the first attempt was me desperately trying to hold onto Jesus but feeling deeply like I could no longer see him in the church of my youth. I could not reconcile the Jesus I saw in the scriptures with whoever they were talking about from the pulpits each Sunday morning. Jesus said that the poor would always be with us, but everyone at my church seemed pretty well off. I read in the scriptures that we were supposed to love our neighbor and pray for those that persecute us, but after 9/11, everyone at church beat their tambourines into gongs of war. There was an ancientness missing from my faith as we did not have many of the other elements from the scripture, like communion, incense, and altars. When I first stepped into an Orthodox Church, filled with the smell of frankincense and bread, I fell to my knees thinking, “Surely, this is the Son of God.”
For years I've thought that theology, considered as a literary genre, is an inferior form of fantasy fiction. So when you told your son “It’s just some fantasy game for really angry grown-ups,” I knew I had a kindred spirit on the other side of the country.
I was raised Roman Catholic, but am one of those fortunate individuals for whom the indoctrination simply didn't take. At 16 I'd had enough cosplay and told my parents I was out. Period. They were not happy but still love me to this day. I count myself among the lucky few who never had to walk through the minefield of self-questioning loss of faith and soul-searching. I don't need hocus-pocus to understand who and what I am in the context of the doesn't-give-a-shit universe. That is a very freeing state of mind. Not giving a shit about eternal souls and the afterlife and WHY life is the way it is. OTOH I don't have the psychic scars that many carry around from the indoctrination, mental abuse (or worse), and gaslighting. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but - I wish you peace. Peace to let it go, peace to be your outrageously beautiful self.
I don’t know if you have already read it, but The Sins of the Scripture by John Shelby Spong was a very interesting read. He is a retired Episcopal Bishop and devout Christians despise him. I found his writings very thought provoking.
I still wonder if there is some validity in Christianity but I do believe that everyone has missed the point of what Jesus was teaching. It would be interesting to hear you speak more often about where do we go from here? - even if you don't fucking know.
For years I've thought that theology, considered as a literary genre, is an inferior form of fantasy fiction. So when you told your son “It’s just some fantasy game for really angry grown-ups,” I knew I had a kindred spirit on the other side of the country.
I was raised Roman Catholic, but am one of those fortunate individuals for whom the indoctrination simply didn't take. At 16 I'd had enough cosplay and told my parents I was out. Period. They were not happy but still love me to this day. I count myself among the lucky few who never had to walk through the minefield of self-questioning loss of faith and soul-searching. I don't need hocus-pocus to understand who and what I am in the context of the doesn't-give-a-shit universe. That is a very freeing state of mind. Not giving a shit about eternal souls and the afterlife and WHY life is the way it is. OTOH I don't have the psychic scars that many carry around from the indoctrination, mental abuse (or worse), and gaslighting. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but - I wish you peace. Peace to let it go, peace to be your outrageously beautiful self.
I love the An American Tale reference ❤️
I don’t know if you have already read it, but The Sins of the Scripture by John Shelby Spong was a very interesting read. He is a retired Episcopal Bishop and devout Christians despise him. I found his writings very thought provoking.
I still wonder if there is some validity in Christianity but I do believe that everyone has missed the point of what Jesus was teaching. It would be interesting to hear you speak more often about where do we go from here? - even if you don't fucking know.