I suppose I am finally at the age where I say things like, “We used to be really close in high school, but we lost touch along the way.” Up to this point, all of the funerals I’ve attended for folks my age were young people who lost their lives to accidents or violence.
I am not sure I believe in God like Church people do. I was raised in a sexual abusive home and my priest told me to honor my mother and father. He also said if my father repented at last rites he would go to heaven. I didn't want to share that space with him. I didn't find another church. It was a crisis of faith at the tender age of 14.
Instead I found what I believe in. I believe in miracles. I believe that people are basically good and some are divine and walk with us in parts of our life. I suspect Gabe was one of those divine for you. I believe in the love and faith that God provides. That love and faith I hear in your voice when I read your words. We've never met but I think you are one of the good ones!
I am incredibly moved by this account of your love and loss. While I can't pretend to understand your journey, your authenticity and vulnerability make me want to simultaneously hug you deeply and smoke a cigar with you in Gabe's honor.
Thank you for sharing this. It was my church for, well, probably the year. Or until you write again. I lost my faith in my teens and tried so hard to find it in my 20s. I found a lead to it in a whisper of an Episcopal priest that was drowned out by the judgment of the Evangelicals and further crushed when my "exception and not the rule" of churchgoers revealed himself to be among the worst of people. I am no longer seeking faith, really, but I wonder often whether I should.
Thank you. You help me find so much of myself in your writing. When I move on I don’t want a funeral or people to say “well done.” I’d rather have someone I haven’t seen in ages to remember me for helping them and then wonder whatever happened to me. Your tribute is Gabe’s favorite I bet.
Thank you for this beautiful tribute. I love the Jewish response to bereavement: May his memory be a blessing. It's clear that Gabe's memory is a great blessing for you, and always will be. As Victoria wrote, you love and are loved.
We’re all sinners. Including Gabe. Had you still been in touch, and with him being the humble person you described, he would have told you that.
I attended the funeral of an extended family member that I despised, as he abused members of my family. I sat there and listened to people describe this wonderful person, which I knew was a lie. I am glad you knew what kind of man that Gabe had always been, so when they talked about him so glowingly, you knew it to be true🥰
More than once, you have saved me with what you wrote♥️I struggle , like you, with the God part but I hold onto hope with the Jesus part, if that makes sense. Keep searching and asking those hard questions that most of us are afraid to ask, and please keep writing. You never know who you will touch with your very vulnerable words❣️
Thank you for sharing this story. I was booted from my church (that's what it felt like. More like ghosted by it when I was searching) at 19, and have no affiliation. I'm don't believe in God, but I believe in goodness and purity of heart. I think Gabe was full of that. Bless you, Nathan. Treasure the memories.
OMG! Your words are so true to my experience! I was just given my friend's ashes as his family did not want any of his things nor even his ashes. They did pay for his cremation. I found my friend after contacting the police and asking them to do a wellness check after his nonresponse to my phone calls and texts. They stated that his neighbors thought he was at work. This was on a Sunday and I knew better. The next morning I went to his apartment, opened his window and yelled for him...only to find him sitting next to his computer dead. Since then, I have acquired some of his belongings and was also given permission by the family to receive his ashes. I've known Brett for over 20 years. I think I was more his best friend than he was mine... but nevertheless, the connection was and is still there. I miss his calls especially about problems with his computer! :) Such a wonderful beautiful soul! Losing someone is such a hard experience no matter who you are.
In retrospect we did the best we could at each step of life. Right or wrong is the judgment by which we condemn our memories. I can barely believe who I’ve been and was unaware. Ain’t no do overs Pops. Would that there were, most of us would get in that line, if we’re all able to be honest. The more I learn the more I must forgive myself. Keep on truckin’
Someone told me (not too long ago) that my whole life had led me to the exact spot where I’m sitting right now.
You are exactly where you are meant to be at this moment. You love and are loved.
Whether it’s the Christian concept of grace or the universe whispering that Gabe’s still got your back, rest in that knowledge.
I am not sure I believe in God like Church people do. I was raised in a sexual abusive home and my priest told me to honor my mother and father. He also said if my father repented at last rites he would go to heaven. I didn't want to share that space with him. I didn't find another church. It was a crisis of faith at the tender age of 14.
Instead I found what I believe in. I believe in miracles. I believe that people are basically good and some are divine and walk with us in parts of our life. I suspect Gabe was one of those divine for you. I believe in the love and faith that God provides. That love and faith I hear in your voice when I read your words. We've never met but I think you are one of the good ones!
I am incredibly moved by this account of your love and loss. While I can't pretend to understand your journey, your authenticity and vulnerability make me want to simultaneously hug you deeply and smoke a cigar with you in Gabe's honor.
Thank you for sharing this. It was my church for, well, probably the year. Or until you write again. I lost my faith in my teens and tried so hard to find it in my 20s. I found a lead to it in a whisper of an Episcopal priest that was drowned out by the judgment of the Evangelicals and further crushed when my "exception and not the rule" of churchgoers revealed himself to be among the worst of people. I am no longer seeking faith, really, but I wonder often whether I should.
May his memory bring you joy.
Thank you. You help me find so much of myself in your writing. When I move on I don’t want a funeral or people to say “well done.” I’d rather have someone I haven’t seen in ages to remember me for helping them and then wonder whatever happened to me. Your tribute is Gabe’s favorite I bet.
Thank you for this beautiful tribute. I love the Jewish response to bereavement: May his memory be a blessing. It's clear that Gabe's memory is a great blessing for you, and always will be. As Victoria wrote, you love and are loved.
Peace and comfort be yours. Gabe sounds like a delightful friend to have had when you needed him most. Thank you for sharing him with us.
This touched my soul. Thank you for sharing and putting yourself out there for us.
God will always be waiting for you when you are ready.
We’re all sinners. Including Gabe. Had you still been in touch, and with him being the humble person you described, he would have told you that.
I attended the funeral of an extended family member that I despised, as he abused members of my family. I sat there and listened to people describe this wonderful person, which I knew was a lie. I am glad you knew what kind of man that Gabe had always been, so when they talked about him so glowingly, you knew it to be true🥰
More than once, you have saved me with what you wrote♥️I struggle , like you, with the God part but I hold onto hope with the Jesus part, if that makes sense. Keep searching and asking those hard questions that most of us are afraid to ask, and please keep writing. You never know who you will touch with your very vulnerable words❣️
Thank you for sharing this story. I was booted from my church (that's what it felt like. More like ghosted by it when I was searching) at 19, and have no affiliation. I'm don't believe in God, but I believe in goodness and purity of heart. I think Gabe was full of that. Bless you, Nathan. Treasure the memories.
OMG! Your words are so true to my experience! I was just given my friend's ashes as his family did not want any of his things nor even his ashes. They did pay for his cremation. I found my friend after contacting the police and asking them to do a wellness check after his nonresponse to my phone calls and texts. They stated that his neighbors thought he was at work. This was on a Sunday and I knew better. The next morning I went to his apartment, opened his window and yelled for him...only to find him sitting next to his computer dead. Since then, I have acquired some of his belongings and was also given permission by the family to receive his ashes. I've known Brett for over 20 years. I think I was more his best friend than he was mine... but nevertheless, the connection was and is still there. I miss his calls especially about problems with his computer! :) Such a wonderful beautiful soul! Losing someone is such a hard experience no matter who you are.
In retrospect we did the best we could at each step of life. Right or wrong is the judgment by which we condemn our memories. I can barely believe who I’ve been and was unaware. Ain’t no do overs Pops. Would that there were, most of us would get in that line, if we’re all able to be honest. The more I learn the more I must forgive myself. Keep on truckin’