I’m going to be real honest with y’all: Holy Week is rough for me, and I was dreading Easter. Maybe one of the biggest lies I was told as a kid is that “time heals all wounds.” Yet, with each passing year, this week becomes harder to bear. For the longest time, preparing for Easter was my Super Bowl. Each day, from Palm Sunday to the celebration of the resurrection, is drenched with meaning and purpose. As I would say the words of institution on Maundy Thursday, I felt deeply connected to Jesus, and on Good Friday, I would weep as I imagined the deep pain he felt at the world he created rejecting him. All of this culminating in the joyous celebration that Christ is risen.
I think that's great. I'm pagan now but my Bible days always felt best when I thought of Christ with lepers and prostitutes and the part of community that is isolated and denigrated. I think you absolutely epitomized the true spirit of Christianity and Easter. You loved and cared about others without judgements.
I think you hit it right on the head when you pointed out that the church weaponizes community. Every church I look at does the same thing. (Note: I'm no longer a believer.) They know how very powerful the loss of it is on people. We are social beings and suffer without community.
I think you found the best kind of church - where we're all welcome, we're kind to each other, and judgment does not exist (in this life or after, except who does a better Dolly Parton).
I'm glad that we were able to be a part of your new version of the holiday weekend. Thanks for the awesome tour of your city, I can't wait to return the favor.
All of my Orthodox books, prayer books, bibles, paraphernalia have been long since gone; but my mind still edges around the disciplines and rites of Great Lent and Pascha, and the year I couldn't do it anymore. Before than, I deconstructed from the Anglicanism I had been raised in and lived as the Anglican version of a matushka who had been betrayed by the hierarchy when I had to escape the rectory. Most of my deconstruction was as a lay person (priest's wives cross over a wee bit). What got me to reading your posts was your view of things from behind the iconostasis. Don't for a minute think that your words don't count. Although I didn't look it up, I am aware that it's still a month from Orthodox Easter and more thoughts will intrude as April passes and I'll wonder if I'll ever find that Easter community that I don't think I ever really had. You have.
The Church makes everything conditional. Love? Only if you ONLY LOVE their God. Community? ONLY if you behave the way they tell you. Neither love nor Community should be conditional. 🤷♀️ you did Easter right. You did Easter how that dude Jesus would have probably done it had he had options.
Perhaps you long (remembering) for the community and the wonder you experienced when you existed during Christ's time on Earth. I believe...no....I am a reincarnationist. My words are coming from a state of mindfulness. Your angst could be from knowing how it used to be so very very long ago and wanting that again. It is difficult in this reality to *be*. Everything feels forced and incomplete and rehearsed. You would do well to attend one of those Native American sweat lodges. Your dichotomies will elicit an answer because you are introspective. Be patient youngin'.
Former Pastor and hospital chaplain here.. I can so relate to the hurt, before and after “being on staff”… only thing worse than politics is church politics. Thanks for just being you-and yes! Love wins!
I love this article. I was a church organist/music director for all my life and earned both MSM and MDiv degrees. At one point I was seeking to be ordained but couldn't because I am gay. I continued to work for the church and put up with the judgement and homophobia from lay people and especially clergy who thought very highly of themselves. So this article resonates with me.
I have never responded to your articles but felt so moved today.
Raised in an evangelical tradition confined Episcopalian age 18, seventeen years later during the Sunday Sermon I realized I had lost my belief. Still wanting community I became a Unitarian Universalist slid into Paganism but declared I wasn’t leaving UU. Sometimes I call myself a Pagan Atheist I don’t believe in lots of gods but I do believe in universal salvation. Other times I say I threw the baby out and kept the bath water. I joined Substack so I could read your writings.
I think that's great. I'm pagan now but my Bible days always felt best when I thought of Christ with lepers and prostitutes and the part of community that is isolated and denigrated. I think you absolutely epitomized the true spirit of Christianity and Easter. You loved and cared about others without judgements.
I think you hit it right on the head when you pointed out that the church weaponizes community. Every church I look at does the same thing. (Note: I'm no longer a believer.) They know how very powerful the loss of it is on people. We are social beings and suffer without community.
I think you found the best kind of church - where we're all welcome, we're kind to each other, and judgment does not exist (in this life or after, except who does a better Dolly Parton).
I'm glad that we were able to be a part of your new version of the holiday weekend. Thanks for the awesome tour of your city, I can't wait to return the favor.
All of my Orthodox books, prayer books, bibles, paraphernalia have been long since gone; but my mind still edges around the disciplines and rites of Great Lent and Pascha, and the year I couldn't do it anymore. Before than, I deconstructed from the Anglicanism I had been raised in and lived as the Anglican version of a matushka who had been betrayed by the hierarchy when I had to escape the rectory. Most of my deconstruction was as a lay person (priest's wives cross over a wee bit). What got me to reading your posts was your view of things from behind the iconostasis. Don't for a minute think that your words don't count. Although I didn't look it up, I am aware that it's still a month from Orthodox Easter and more thoughts will intrude as April passes and I'll wonder if I'll ever find that Easter community that I don't think I ever really had. You have.
The Church makes everything conditional. Love? Only if you ONLY LOVE their God. Community? ONLY if you behave the way they tell you. Neither love nor Community should be conditional. 🤷♀️ you did Easter right. You did Easter how that dude Jesus would have probably done it had he had options.
I miss it, too. But not enough, I believe, to risk being hurt again.
Perhaps you long (remembering) for the community and the wonder you experienced when you existed during Christ's time on Earth. I believe...no....I am a reincarnationist. My words are coming from a state of mindfulness. Your angst could be from knowing how it used to be so very very long ago and wanting that again. It is difficult in this reality to *be*. Everything feels forced and incomplete and rehearsed. You would do well to attend one of those Native American sweat lodges. Your dichotomies will elicit an answer because you are introspective. Be patient youngin'.
Former Pastor and hospital chaplain here.. I can so relate to the hurt, before and after “being on staff”… only thing worse than politics is church politics. Thanks for just being you-and yes! Love wins!
I love this article. I was a church organist/music director for all my life and earned both MSM and MDiv degrees. At one point I was seeking to be ordained but couldn't because I am gay. I continued to work for the church and put up with the judgement and homophobia from lay people and especially clergy who thought very highly of themselves. So this article resonates with me.
I have never responded to your articles but felt so moved today.
Thank you!!
Raised in an evangelical tradition confined Episcopalian age 18, seventeen years later during the Sunday Sermon I realized I had lost my belief. Still wanting community I became a Unitarian Universalist slid into Paganism but declared I wasn’t leaving UU. Sometimes I call myself a Pagan Atheist I don’t believe in lots of gods but I do believe in universal salvation. Other times I say I threw the baby out and kept the bath water. I joined Substack so I could read your writings.
That sounds like a weekend that would replenish the soul. I'm glad you got to have it. ❤️