I was a kid when my Sunday School teacher said, “If you doubt, this shows that you never believed.” I had a lot of doubts and questions. Over the years, many other religious leaders fortified this belief, and I began to fear that my questioning meant I might not be saved.
Many a night, I would lie awake and wonder if I wasn’t going to make the cut. Would I be standing in line for Hell along with other notorious doubters? “Don’t be a doubting Thomas!” They would say.
As I revisited the story of Thomas as an adult, I started to wonder if he wasn’t the villain he was made out to be.
Unholy Sh+t: An Irreverent Bible Study
First Sunday of Easter
Today’s reading: John 20:19–31
I am here to absolve Thomas once and for all. Henceforth, he shall no longer be called Doubting Thomas. It’s just Thomas. Dydimus if you’re nasty.
It’s the days after the resurrection, and even though some of the twelve have seen Jesus, the disciples are still hiding. The doors are locked; they are still afraid they could be arrested at any moment, and then BAM! Jesus appears in the room and is like, “What’s up, homies! I’m back!” The disciples already knew Jesus was resurrected because Mary, Mary, and Mary had already told them so. But the disciples are still afraid they might be un-alived Jesus style, and so all the boys are hiding, except for Thomas.
For whatever reason, Thomas isn’t there. Maybe he was just tired of quarantine, or perhaps he was one of those employees who always takes extra long smoke breaks. I’m not exactly sure what he was up to, but all I know is that he was not there when Jesus decided to apparate into the room. Thomas meanders back into the hideout with some Cadbury eggs that he got for 75% off because it was after Easter. He’s all excited to show the other disciples his stash. Instead, they are all speaking in tongues or whatnot because Jesus just baptized them in the Holy Spirit while Thomas was gone.
Thomas, quite rightfully, after walking into this very bizarre situation, has some questions. Absolutely no one is excited about his discounted Easter candy. Instead, all the disciples are jumping around to Hillsong Praise or whatever. At some point, one of the disciples, I’m going to assume Peter, let Thomas know that Jesus magically appeared in the room.
Poor Tom simply says something like, “I highly doubt that.”
Then, I assume Peter, is all. “No, really, he just showed up. Jesus is totes alive, bruh.”
And then this is when Tommy gets really sassy, “unless I can see the wounds for myself. And I mean, actually stick my hand right up in there; I won’t believe you.”
First off, this is the most dude thing any of the disciples ever say. It sounds exactly like the type of irreverent response I could imagine any of my high school friends making.
“I’m Tommy Nazareth: Welcome to Jackass! Today, I will be poking Jesus in his crucifixion wounds!”
That’s pretty intense. And it’s really what he said, paraphrased, of course. The vulgarity of his response really punctuated his unbelief. So imagine his absolute shock when Jesus shows back up a week later, and Jesus is all, “Go on, pal, shove your fist up in there if you have to.” Thomas does not fist the holy wounds; instead, he falls to the ground declaring Jesus is God. Yet, from that point forward, he is Doubting Thomas.
Now, I want to rewind just a smidge here: right after Jesus is killed, Peter, John, and the rest of the lot are hiding under lock and key while Mary and the Magdalenes are about to have a head-on clash with the cops so they can anoint Jesus’ corpse. They see that Jesus is resurrected and go back to tell the disciples to preach the first-ever sermon about the resurrection, and guess what? Not one of them believes the ladies! I can not stress this enough; the disciples do not believe them that Jesus is resurrected when the women tell them about what they saw.
Tommy isn’t called the doubter because he’s the only one who doubts. Peter doubted first, but do they call him “Peter the Doubter,” “Peter the Coward who hid out,” or “Peter who denied Jesus three times.” No, they don’t. So how did Tom get this petty name? He is called Doubting Thomas because he’s the one who has the audacity to doubt the men.
Let that sink in for a moment. Take all the time you need.
Much of what we know about the life of Jesus, the apostles, etc., are all written by men. There is some serious debate that can be had about when the gospels were written and by whom. But if you grew up like me, you were always told that the Bible is infallible and true. You were probably also told that all you needed was the Bible. But there are tons of other manuscripts out there about the life of Jesus, and some of them are even attributed to women.
They didn’t make the cut.
Dearest readers of The Ton, I am here to tell you that even John, the author of today's gospel reading, says that the gospels don’t contain everything that Jesus did or said. Is it possible that he and Mary Magdalene were married in secret last season? It seems we may never know because those writings are not as revered as the ones penned by men. It is completely possible that there are other manuscripts out there that could and should be included, but they aren’t. Not because they aren’t equally valid, but because we are taught that you are only truly doubting if you have speculation about what the men had to say about the subject.
Doubt is not the enemy of faith. It is necessary for it. We are all called to be reasonable people who are willing and able to discern things for ourselves. All of the disciples doubted, except for Mary Magdalene and the other women with her that day. Doubt it is part of the process; asking questions is important and healthy.
More than miracles and parables, Jesus asked questions. He even answered questions with questions. Jesus is a fan of questions. He welcomes your questions, and unlike your Sunday School teachers, he’s not afraid of people questioning Him.
My closing argument in defense of Thomas is this: he isn’t the chief doubter; he was just the scapegoat to help deflect from all the others who doubted because of who Tommy doubted: men.
Thank you! My other favorite author, Frederick Buechner, wrote, “Whether your faith is that there is a God or that there is not a God, if you don't have any doubts, you are either kidding yourself or asleep. Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving.”
I can totally see this from both sides. I think doubt is absolutely healthy and that for sure, one reason Thomas is scapegoated is because, as the Church became corrupt, it became necessary to promote blind faith for the sake of obedience and conformity.
On the other hand, I have personal struggles with doubt in the extreme, doubt which carries on far beyond the evidence I've seen time and again. It can become an obstacle after a certain point.
Nonetheless, I found this article heartening, so thank you.