Unholy Sh+t: Jesus creates a chosen family after his fundamentalist cousin doubts him

When I was a little kid, our family traveled somewhere for a family function. I do not remember what the event was or why we were all in the same place, but what I do remember quite clearly is that we all ended up at Cracker Barrel. At this particular time in my life, there was nothing in the world more scrumptious than Cracker Barrel: the biscuits, the gravy, steak, but it's fried, and an unlimited supply of sweet tea. It was breakfast time, and I made my order all by myself, and I was very proud of this.

Finally, the moment arrived and, my whiny little brat of a cousin started ugly crying about the fact that he didn’t have any sausage. Now, he also ordered for himself, and so if he had wanted goddamn sausage, he could have just f+cking ordered it like I did, but he did not. That was his choice and absolutely not my problem.

As I was enjoying my meal, I watched as a fork traveled across the table and pierced through my absolutely succulent sausage. My jaw hit the table as my sausage soared through the air and landed on my cousin’s plate.

“More.” The little prince demanded.

Again, the fork journeyed across the table and to my plate as my uncle stole more of my food to feed his kid. My uncle was very wealthy and my family was on the verge of homelessness, just in case you need a little extra gravy to go with this outrage. The sound of the the fork cutting into the sausage was so loud I am certain that God himself heard it. The only sound that could deafen that noise was the equally depressing splat that the sausage made as it fell before my cousin’s greedy face.

No adult stood up for me. No one told my uncle that he was in the wrong. From that day forward, I ate hovered over my plate like I had been to prison serving time on a crime I was innocent of.

I tell you this story to say, family sucks sometimes.

Unholy Sh+t: An Irreverent Bible Study

Second Sunday of Ordinary Time

Today’s Reading: John 1:29-34

There is a lot that we don’t know about the relationship between Jesus and John the Baptist. The scriptures tell us that they were cousins and that their mothers were pregnant at the same time. This means that Jesus and John are essentially the same age. I think this is an important distinction because I feel like most of us grew up thinking that John the Baptist was this old guy hanging out by some body of water munching on bugs. The reality is that he would have likely been around the age of 29 or 30, assuming that the ages of Jesus and that whole timeline are accurate. We also have no idea what John did for work or if his whole goal in life was to be “a voice crying in the wilderness.” Which, honestly, isn’t a bad gig. I mean, who doesn’t want to scream into the void every now and then, as a treat.

When Jesus was a little kid, his family traveled to the city to visit the Temple. For those unfamiliar with the story, the entire family went into the city for the holidays. Because so many family members were present, his mom thought Jesus was with his dad and Jospeh though he was with his mom. In all of the confusion, they accidentally leave Jesus behind. OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE PLOT OF HOME ALONE! The story ends with tween Jesus telling Joseph, “You aren’t my real dad!” What I can say is this: traditionally, they would have traveled as a whole family for this event. The verse implies that many folks are around, so it would not be a stretch to assume that Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist and cousin of Mary, is numbered amongst those traveling with the family. Even if the Baptist family weren’t present, there would have likely been plenty of other such adventures between birth and the baptism of Jesus that he and John would have had some level of interaction.

This is really important to understand because of what John the Baptist says when Jesus arrives at the river for his baptism. As Jesus is approaching, John has a vision of a dove descending upon him and exclaims, “This is the dude I was telling y’all about when I said the one who comes after me will surpass me because he was before me. I didn’t know him, but he is the reason I was baptizing, so he could be revealed.”

A lot is going on in that sentence. The first being that John says he didn’t know Jesus. On the surface, this is quantifiably a false statement. As I said, the probability of Jesus and John running around the countryside together or going on long trips with their family is very high. They would have spent time together in their youth; they were cousins of nearly the same age. Now, it’s important to note that some translations of the scriptures say, “I didn’t recognize him” instead of “I didn’t know him.” Whichever way you slice it, what I think John is actually trying to get across here is, “I had absolutely no idea that my cousin was the Messiah until literally right this very second, and I am kinda freaking the f+ck out! Did you guys see that huge dove land on his head?! No? Just me, okay, that’s totally normal.”

Jesus frequently preaches about what a pain in the ass family can be sometimes. He references abandonment and family division quite a lot. Honestly, Jesus doesn’t seem to quite fit in anywhere. There is an instance in John 7:1-5 where Jesus has an interaction with his brothers, and they are mocking him. They accuse him of trying to become an influencer and tell him he’s doing it all wrong. The verse goes on to say, “Even his brothers didn’t believe in him.” It is clear from the scriptures that Jesus has a complicated relationship with his siblings and that they are not particularly supportive.

Even John the Baptist seems shocked to see that it is Jesus, his dumb little cousin, who is coming over the horizon to be anointed as the Messiah.

Another particularly strange part about what John says is, “The one who comes after me will surpass me because he was before me.” Most scholars agree that John the Baptist would be about six months older than Jesus. So, he is just old enough to hold it over Jesus’ head but, in reality, basically the same age. But he was born first so why would he say that Jesus was here before him? This statement is often used to explain that Jesus is not just the Messiah, or a prophet, but God, because John acknowledges his eternalness with this statement. This could help explain the mindf+ck existential crisis that John is currently having. He knows he’s been sent to the water to baptize and wait to anoint the Messiah, the son of God, who is also God, which is in no way confusing. Then, in walks his cousin, who got lost that one time, caused the entire family to turn back and go to the temple. Jesus, the weird kid who didn’t seem to get along well with others. This is the lamb of God who will take away the sins of the world. Really?

One of the most heartbreaking sayings of Jesus is, “A prophet is not without honor; except when they are in their home town, amongst their family, and when they are home.”

What I personally find so fascinating about Jesus is his tremendous loneliness. No one believes him, not even his family. John is shocked to see that his cousin is the one he is waiting for. His brothers mock him. Joseph scolds him as a child for spending time with the scholars and rabbis. He just doesn’t quite fit in anywhere. I think many of us can profoundly relate to this feeling. When Jesus finally finds his chosen family in the apostles, they believe in him, trust him, and deeply love him. Sure, they are flawed and a bit rough around the edges, and yes, one of them turns out to be a little snitch, but Jesus seems much more at home with those he chose than the family he was born into.

John was a religious zealot, and though he ultimately accepted Jesus as the Messiah, he clearly had a WTF moment about the whole thing. This is probably because he had a lot of opinions about the faith, and Jesus didn’t fit the idea of what he was anticipating the King of Kings to look like.

In this sense, Jesus is very kindred to so many of us because he also had a family that didn’t think he should make the cut. Jesus once said, “If they hate you, despise you, and reject you, remember they rejected me first.” Maybe you want to be an artist or a doctor, or you are deciding to switch careers late in life, or perhaps you wish to move across the country for a new beginning, or you want to start a nonprofit to save the world and everyone around you is telling you are crazy, that's okay! Your family might not believe in you and even actively discourage you from following your dreams. Trust me, I know how complicated a feeling all of that is; I’ve experienced it myself. So did Jesus. Next time someone tells you that you should be more Christlike, just say, “My family doesn’t get me, actively discourages me from following my calling, and even my cousin, who I used to be close to, was like, ‘you, really?” And I can’t think of anything more like Jesus than that.”

I guess what I am trying to say is this: for whatever consolation it brings, Jesus was rejected by his family for who he was born to be too.