The very bad day that inspired the joke which launched my comedy career and why I’m retiring it
Three years ago, I hit one of those weird points in life where everything seemed to be falling apart.
Just a few months before, I quit my big boy job so that I could pursue writing full-time. Because that wasn’t a big enough leap of faith, I also moved back to my home state of Tennessee. Needless to say, things weren’t going so grand; the world was on lockdown, and then my electrical box went out just as winter set in. Our electrician told us that we might not be able to get a new box for months because of the supply chain. It was an especially cold winter, which forced me to make a difficult decision to send my wife and kids to stay with family in Florida while I held down the fort, waiting for the breaker box to arrive.
I moved into the living room next to the fireplace and cooked my meals on cast iron skillets over the open flames. Once a day, I could turn the internet on, and during one of these moments, in a time of deep sadness and despair, I turned to jokes like any good trauma-laden lad is wont to do.
The joke was as follows: “With the holidays coming up and stuff, things are kinda tight. Anyone need some indulgences? I'll do half the price the Church is offering.”
With that, I rolled over on the couch that had become my bed and went to sleep. To say that all of this was triggering of my youth in poverty and homelessness would be an understatement. I began to wonder if I was on the verge of doing the same to my children as had happened to me. With these thoughts rattling around in my brain, I took my long winter’s nap.
This was not my funniest joke, not by a long shot. It’s one of those snarky near-inside jokes that are really just to blow off steam. When I finally roused from my slumber, I didn’t expect the reaction I woke up to: hundreds of comments from folks saying, “I want one!”
There was no plan.
This was not the expected outcome.
What do I do now?!
I commissioned a calligraphy artist using the last few dollars I had to my name and got to work figuring out everything from printing to shipping and ultimately signing every single one of them. I think we had to do three print runs of indulgences that winter.
I think about that day a lot, the man that I was when I rolled over in my depression and the man I woke up as with hope on the horizon. That moment awakened something inside me that resulted in countless other unforgettable moments, projects, books, two comedy tours, and learning to trust my instincts and to take risks.
With the new year before us, I’ve thought a lot about what I hope to accomplish as an artist in the coming years. What kind of stories do I want to tell both on stage and in my books? As I’ve wrestled with this, one thing is absolutely certain: I don’t want to become stagnant. I don’t want to tell the same jokes over and over and over again until I become a parody of myself.
I am forever grateful to these indulgences for what they gave me, but the time has come to say goodbye. I want them to always be special and not to become something I beat to oblivion. So, my dear friends, it is with a happy heart, hopeful for what I’ll create next, that I am letting y’all know that this is the final run. Maybe someday they’ll make a cameo; you never know what the future holds, but for now, it’s time to be grateful for what they gave me and let them wander off into that gentle night.
So if you’ve ever wanted an indulgence, or you’ve got that ultra-religious cousin that you’d like to especially annoy this holiday season, now the final trumpet is blowing. We have done the final run and there are less than 200 left. So after today, they will go back into the dust bin of history yet again. But you can get one of the final ones right here. Also, today is the last day that my shop will be open at all. Because I am not amazon and we can’t guarantee shipping after today, my shop will close for the holidays around midnight tonight. So you can also check out all my other beautiful things here.
Thanks to everyone who helped make this special, especially to Nikki McQueen, whom I worked with on the redesign. I’m excited to see what lies ahead!