I was a teenager, quickly approaching my twenties, living on my own in the big city of Nashville. To say I was having a ton of fun would be an understatement. I was getting myself into all kinds of trouble, and one of my favorite troubles was my girlfriend. We were madly in…fatuated with each other. Like most kids who grew up in church, I loved the rebellious opportunities that were being presented to me but come Sunday morning, the guilt kicked in. So I started going to church on occasion. My girlfriend did not go to church, but she decided to attend a service with me.
She got saved.
We broke up about a week later when she told me I was a distraction from her relationship with Jesus, “I’m supposed to love Jesus more than my parents, more than my siblings, and that definitely means more than you.”
My first thought was, “Wow, she loves me,” followed quickly by, “Wait a second, am I being c+ck blocked by Jesus?!”
That was the last time I ever brought a girlfriend to church. Lesson learned, Lord.
Unholy Sh+t: An Irreverent Bible Study
Thirteenth Sunday of Ordinary Time
Today’s Reading: Matthew 10:37-42
There are quite a few points in the Bible that have caused tremendous harm when interpreted in their most literalist outcome and today’s gospel reading is one of those scriptures known as a “clobber verse.” Jesus seems to be rather radical here and sets an almost unheard-of precedent by stating that if you love anyone more than him, including your own family, he will reject you. This seems to be a complete 180 from what the Ten Commandments teach when it says we are supposed to “honor our father and mother.” More than that, it is the only one of the ten that comes with a promise stating that if you do bring honor to your family, then you will, “live long in the land that God is giving you.”
Now, Jesus is coming along and saying something that feels entirely different.
This verse has been weaponized over time to justify all kinds of cruelty. I’ve seen this passage quoted many times by parents when they choose to reject their children because of their gender identity or sexual orientation. They claim that they are just following the “Word of God” by turning away anyone who would challenge their beliefs. To them, acceptance of something they don’t understand is akin to persecution and a denial of who God is to them. Then, in what they feel is obedience to God, they disown members of their own family.
Part of the problem with the Bible is that folks read it like a book and not as an anthology. This is important because not every part of the Bible applies equally. For example, there are descriptions in the scriptures about priestly duties and we all know this only applies to these priests. Even a lay person would know that when reading about certain rituals or practices, that doesn’t meant they are supposed to do what’s being described. One of the roles of pastors, teachers, and prophets is a process known as exegesis, which is a fancy word for the interpretation and explanation of scripture. Sadly, over time, certain religious leaders have abused this responsibility and manipulated the verses away from their original meaning.
Within the texts of the canon of scripture, part of the exegesis process is to determine if a verse has universal or non-universal application. Like, suppose God is speaking directly to King David. In that case, that is a very interesting story and might have elements of it that are helpful for us to be knowledgeable about from a historical perspective or might even have a lessons we can all learn from. Still, it does not mean it actually applies to our lives like a commandment. These were instructions given to David, not to you, your family, or your pastor; it’s just about David.
The instructions Jesus happens to be giving here about not loving anyone more than him, he is not telling this to just anyone, he is exclusively telling the twelve disciples what they are supposed to be doing. I mean, just a few verses earlier, Jesus was going on about how they shouldn’t take any money with them and that they should raise people from the dead. You know what I’ve never seen? A parent kick their kid out of the house for being gay and then immediately turning around to perform necromancy. I guess they can do a little exegesis about those bits, but then suddenly the permission to disown someone in order to follow Jesus is absolutely directed at them. However, I don’t think Jesus meant that you could just kick your kid out of the house because they yelled, “Yass, Queen” during Beyoncé’s performance during the Half-Time Show, thus ruining your your BBQ that, ironically, did in fact look like the chard remains of the priestly cattle sacrifices.
Not only is Jesus giving specific instructions to the disciples only, but this particular chapter is also known as the “Little Commission,” not to be mistook for the Great Commission. The disciples aren’t being sent out to every city but are given specific instructions that they are only supposed to give this mission to the “Lost sheep of Israel.” Meaning the disciples are Jews and they are supposed to convince other Jews that Jesus is the Messiah through signs and wonders. In other words, this verse is about as far from about Karen in Cleveland as it could get but that isn’t going to stop her from using it to misgender her teenager and launch a full on war against the school board for making her kid queer because they read the Very Hungry Caterpillar.
Furthermore, the disciples that continue in ministry to the end of their time on earth are elevated to the position of apostles, which is eventually replaced by the word bishop in the Christian tradition. The three forms of ordained ministry are deacon, priest, and bishop, and so the conclusion would be that, even if these words had application outside of the original twelve, then they would still only be binding to those who take up the specific calling of ordained ministry and not to the average person sitting in a pew on Sunday.
It should also be noted that the Great Commission, which has universal application and is for all people, does not come with instructions to not have money, to colonize the world, nor does it command that Christians reject their family to “take up their cross and follow Jesus.”
Jesus says something similar about abandoning one's family in Luke 14:25-27 and this time, he does say it to a large crowd who are following him around. By this point, lots of folks want to be number among the disciples. People have started to see that Jesus has given his disciples great power and elevated them up from lowly stations in life to being someone important. For many, being a disciple is like a second chance. Jesus warns them of the cost of becoming a disciple again stating that you must abandon family and be willing to take up the cross, even to the point of losing your own life.
It can’t be stressed enough that Jesus says this is the cost of becoming an apostle, not of salvation.
Only some become an apostles in the scriptures because not everyone will be elevated to the position of ordained ministry. Again, Jesus is explaining to the crowd that if they want to join the ranks of the disciples that, “All magic comes with a price, dearie.” It means that you must make sacrifices, just like Jesus has, in order to be part of the the fold of those who are in apostolic ministry. Even the story where we get the phrase, “Let the dead bury the dead” (Matthew 8:18-22) is about someone asking to be a disciple of Jesus, and again he is warning of the cost of being a disciple.
Being clergy isn’t an easy job, especially as a priest or bishop. It means that you are choosing to abandon certain luxuries in life (or at least they are supposed to.) You work every single holiday; you take on the burden of hearing confessions and holding tight the secrets of your parishioners. It is a huge burden to bear and not everyone feels called to that level of devotion. Most of us are perfectly content with having a relationship with God based upon trying to be good to ourselves and good to others. Heck, most people who do accept the calling end of failing at it in some capacity or the other.
Nowhere in the scripture does it say that you should reject your family to honor God or in order to receive salvation.
Unfortunately, that has not stopped many people from continuing to use the verse, that was specific instructions given to the disciples for a particular mission, as if it gives them carte blanche to be an absolute a++hole. Spoiler alert; it doesn’t. Jesus gave us a Great Commandments, which is said to summarize all the commandments which God had ever given:
“Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind” and then He said, “The second comment is just like the first, love your neighbor as yourself.”
Your parents and your siblings are still your neighbors, even if you disagree with some of their life choices, even if you don’t understand everything that they do or believe, as long as they are bringing no harm to others… we are instructed to love them. Not just love them but love them as we do our own life. Jesus said that loving those around us is just like loving God because it is in caring for our neighbor that we show our true devotion to Jesus.
For each of you that has been hurt by this verse in the past, I want you to know that Jesus never meant for this to be how people interpreted what he said. Those family members are following a perversion of the purpose and intent of this text. I am so sorry that this has happened, and I hope for a day when there is healing, peace, and, when appropriate, reconciliation.
And, if you are one of those who have used this verse as a weapon, it’s time to put this book down, pick up your phone, and make amends for missing the mark.
I appreciate these insights so much; they make me feel a little less bonkers when I need it. I grew up reading scripture and then asking questions about various church practices and teachings based on what I was reading and then told I didn't have faith because I didn't just believe the words coming from the pulpit and church elders. Even now, I have a very good friend who says I don't have faith because I don't follow the Catholic Church. (I wasn't raised Catholic either, but I'm thorough in research and asking questions)
People wield Bible verses like a sword. Pick and choose your weapon. Justify your target and slay it. These words take some of the size and edge off the sword. They make more sense. Thanks for taking some of the bite out by explaining it.